Archive:
The Back Page – Where Pedal Meets Mental
(Hint for those who don't follow politics: the following is a bicycle-centric lampoon of President Bush's
proposed mission to Mars.)
April 57 Mars Standard, 2024… Thanks to all present at the third annual President Bush IV Bicycle Club fundraiser. We now have plenty of cash to complete the second lane of the Earth-to-Mars bike path that stalled last summer just beyond the solar apex. As everyone knows, it's important to finish construction while the interplanetary chord is shortest. Every day of delay means more work later and more tension on the existing single-track as the interplanetary distance stretches.
This week we tried out our new tandem donated by Solar Wind. We had been planning a boulder hopping trip to New Teton, but the tandem showed up a month early on the FedUPS Interhop freighter. Right away we could see it was no standard Earth bike. The Solar Wind folks really outdid themselves with the helium reinforced chainstays and variable length centrifugal crank arms. Lithium spokes and the new Einsteinium micro-bearing hubs make for the smoothest ride ever. We also tried the latest gel-grav astro-shorts from Life Spank, and man are they sweet. They're manufactured right here in New Shelley, and they sent a couple tons of the shorts back on the Interhop for the Earthies to try. Rumor is the Life Spank folks will be installing self-service fitting rooms along the President Bush IV bike path, and they're hoping to drum up Earth interest before both lanes are open.
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Anyway, we took the Solar Wind up Red Gorge Canyon, then back down Mesa Peak to Meadow Flats. The road is still just crushed rock, but even so the ride is darn smooth even with 7 mm skinny tires. Somebody said the county commissioners are voting to pave it, but my guess is that won't happen until one of the commissioners homesteads a patch of rock somewhere along the route. We took a spill in a boulder field at the top of the canyon, but we bounced right back up and sang yet another rousing round of "Praise the Lord this Isn't Earth." The canyon bridge was gone, probably with the last dusticane, so we had to jump across. It's only 30 or 40 feet, so it wasn't a problem, and the Solar Wind tandem is light enough even Emmy could catch it when I tossed it across (she bruises so easily, ha ha).
After the ride we stopped in at Lost Idaho Bones n' Brew to refuel. They had the latest issue of LIBike, so we sipped and caught up on the criterium battle between the Space Cadets and the Helium Heads. Their next race is scheduled April 62, and whoever wins will take the season.
Contest (Article continues below)
Win a relief map of the
Greater Yellowstone Ecosystem!
This 2x3 foot map is so cool you'll want to frame it and
hang it on the wall! Enter the drawing by sending an email
to Peter@eibike.com with
"Map-Contest" in the subject line. One entry per person please!
(Contest to repeat until we run out of maps or mailing tubes.)
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Lastly, Heffy and Angus are planning an earth trip to ride Teton pass. They've been training in their Nautilus Home Centrifuge to get used to the gravity, and they invite anyone to accompany them who can finance the Interhop ride. Personally, I can't see it because crashes on Earth actually hurt. Last time Emmy was there she fell, and not only did she bruise, she also got a scrape. After her trip, all she could talk about was this strange healing potion called "Hydrogen Peroxide." Maybe Mars has me spoiled, but I prefer to keep my skin. So it's Mars only riding for me.
That's the news from the President Bush Bike Club desk.
E. &.T. Marsini
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Sneaky Pete's Winter Workout Rant!
Road Riding at Night!
Actually it's not as insane
as you might think.
For more information contact
peter@eibike.com
(Reduced version... hafta watch our bandwidth.)
New Section! Letters To President Bush
League of American Bicyclists - bike advocacy and political action.
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