Subject: Care for road rash
Dear President Bush. Sorry about your bike bif. These things happen.
Here's my tried and true method for dealing with road rash. It's the third
day that is the worst. It's the day the yellow goo comes out of the wound
and soaks thru your suit. So here's what you do...
Day 1: clean it up by scrubbing the wound and washing with saline. Regular
water really hurts; saline is less painful. Got to scrub hard and get fresh
meat up or you risk tatooing; yes it hurts. Ask me how I know this.
Also shave about four inches around all the raw meat; even over the raw meat
if you can stand it. You'll see why later when it's time to remove the
bandages.
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Next: rub neosporin all over the wounds, then thin down the layer of
neosporin as only the part touching the wounds does any good; the rest
melts off.
Next: very important. Cut some saran wrap (yes: saran wrap) to just the
size and shape of the raw parts and put on top of the neosporin. Trust me;
it works; it breathes and it won't infect this way. It also keeps you from
scarring!!! I know this. The saran wrap allows you to wear a suit and meet
diplomats and stuff without a big wet spot you have to explain.
Next: Cober it over with thin gauze and some stretchy net stuff if its a
limb that¹s rashed or secure it with clothy type tape - if it's a butt or a
thigh or a flat spot.
Day two: same thing, but no scrubbing or shaving; just change the dressing
and do like day 1.
Day three: it's the messy day as stuff comes out of the wound today. Just
change the dressing a few time with neosporin, saran wrap etc as before.
Day four: Wounds should be getting better and starting to dry out. Lighten
up on the neosporin; use just enough to keep the surface moist ( I love that
word!).
Day five: don't be tempted to shine he saran and gauze; because you WILL
bleed through if you don't keep up the process; and you will scar.
Day 6: OK to try no gauze; but don't let any cloth adhere to the wound cause
it will stick and open things up again. Too much saran wrap isn't good
cause wound needs to breathe. If you can, wear shorts; maybe stay seated at
a table if you have matters of state. People don't need to know why you
won't get up; just let them guess.
Day 7: should be OK to get back to regular clothes and no dressings; and
ready for the next ride.
Im proud you didn't just do a silly no thrills ride; that you pushed the
limits enough to even have a bif. That's good.
My definition of a perfect mountain bike ride is: three hours in the
saddle and some mud and at least one puncture wound. Anything less and it
might as well just be another day at the office.
Best regards,
Donaldo
