EIBike.com

So here's the Idaho Falls police report as filed by Officer D. Siddoway 07-16-05.

Summary:
The Scotts (a.k.a. "Troy and Stacy") were riding bicycles on 5th west when a car passed by very close to them honking its horn. The driver pulled into his residence and changed vehicles and caught up to the bikes. The driver cut off the bikes and an argument ensued. The driver, Alan Hoskins, honked his horn to let the bikes know he was there. The biker yelled "asshole" as they passed his residence. Hoskins caught up to the bikes and attempted to explain his actions but an argument ensued. See narrative for further.

Narrative:
On 078-15-05 Troy and Stacy Scott reported that at approximately 1020 hours, they were riding their bicycles south on Rollandet. Shortly after crossing Sunnyside, a blue car passed by them (southbound). The car was very close to them and honking its horn as it passed by. Stacy gave the car a gesture with her middle finger. The car pulled into 3808 W. 5th W.

Approximately 1 mile down the road, the male from the blue car caught up to the bicycles now driving an older brown pick-up truck. The driver passed the bicycles and cut them off, stopping directly in front of them. Stacy stated she had to aggressively maneuver her bike in order to not hit the truck, stopping inches from the truck. The driver got out of his truck and began arguing with the Scotts. A second male from the truck had to restrain the driver. The Scotts eventually rode away. The Scotts filled out written statements.

I made contact with the occupant of the house the blue car pulled into. He identified himself as Alan Hoskins. Hoskins admitted he had a run in with two bicycles earlier in the day. Alan stated he honked as he passed them to let them know he was there. Hoskins stated the bicyclists yelled "asshole" at him as he passed by his residence. He jumped into his truck and tracked them down to try and explain his actions and express his concern with the riding habits of the bicyclists. Hoskins stated as he got out of his truck, the bicyclist began yelling at him. Hoskins admitted he "lost it" and began to argue with the bicyclists. Alan stated he had no intention of the situation getting out of hand. The bicyclists rode away and Hoskins went home. Nothing further to report.

Now we note that Stacy probably should have refrained from the Universal Gesture, and in fact neither bicyclist yelled "asshole." Unfortunately, cutting off a bicyclist apparently has no weight to the City government, whereas cutting off a car probably would. For example, if Captain Insane-O in his Insane-O Wagon cut off and stopped someone's teary-eyed 16-year-old daughter driving her pink economony coup, we know that Captain Insane-O would almost certainly go straight to Jail without passing go. The prosecuting attorney would march him straight to the gas chamber, where everyone would celebrate with an impromptu marshmallow roast. But not so for the Scotts. They were riding bikes. And a bike is sort of like a two in a deck of cards. A two? Well, that's not really even a card now is it.

We also note that if you are cut off and stopped while in a car, you have the option of locking the doors and remaining in the car, thereby implying that you don't want to fight. If you do in fact get out of your car, then it seems likely that the authorities will see this as a sign that you do in fact want to fight, and consequently you'll be held equally responsible for ensuing fisticuffs. (We're not lawyers here, so take this with a grain of salt...) However, being on a bike, what's a person to do when confronted by Captain Insane-O? Probably the instinct is to yell, because that's what you do when an Insane-O dog comes running out at you. Yelling almost always slows them down, you ride past before they grab your leg, they lose interest in chasing, and there you go. So you yell at Captain Insane-O, and he will then imply that YOU started the argument. Hence, the correct course of action MAY be to remain silent. If you have a cell phone, maybe dial 911, because you really don't know what Captain Insane-O intends. And maybe just walk your bike down the side of the road away from Captain Insane-O.

Unfortunately, it's difficult to know the correct course of action because, well gosh golly, those in charge (a.k.a. the Prosecuting Attorney) seem to not care in the least, so they're unlikely to tell us what we OUGHT to do. My thought is to reduce this sort of confrontation by getting the National Rifle Association to sponsor our bicycle club. Then ride around with NRA stamped on our jerseys and maybe Captain Insane-O would show a little respect. (This of course assumes that Captain Insane-O knows the alphabet all the way to R.)

It's also unfortunate that Captain Insane-O stated that bicycles have no business on the road. Intelligent people know that this is incorrect, as outlined in Idaho Law.

ROAD RAGE!